Middle School Read online

  3 One-on-one.

  Though it’s nice to be part of a group, the best friendship moments often come when you’re doing something fun with just one good friend. Now’s the perfect time to “remeet” one of the chicas in your class that you’ve known forever but haven’t hung out with in a while (or ever!). Make a plan to do something fun together. Or imagine how thrilled the new girl who just moved to town would be if you invited her to the movies. Middle school is your time to explore all sorts of new things, and pairing up with a new friend is a great way to start.

  WORST NIGHTMARE

  It’s Saturday night and all of your friends are getting ready to go to the party of the year...to which you weren’t invited. How will you cope? You can have an equally great night! (Haven’t you ever heard of a “party of one”?)

  First, fix yourself a healthy beverage (smoothie, anyone?), then head to the bathroom. Turn on some tunes, drop some bubble bath in the tub, and once the water gets thick with suds, climb in and relax. Soak until you’ve turned into a human prune, or until another family member starts banging on the door and demands you get out. Once you’ve dried off, file your nails, buff your feet, and apply polish to all twenty digits. By the end of the night, you’ll be completely chillaxed and gorgeous!

  How to Handle Wardrobe Emergencies

  Oh. My. Gosh! You walked out of your house, got on the bus, and made it halfway down the hall to homeroom before you were clued in to the fact that your shirt is practically see-through, and everyone can see the bumblebee pattern on your bra! Or you sat on some paint in art class, and the whole school thinks you got your you-know-what.

  Ugh! Ugh! Ugh! And it demands to be said again: Uuuggghhh!

  Wardrobe disasters can make you want to crawl under your desk and stay there till the final bell rings. But if you remember these tricks, you’ll be able to hold your head up without wanting to barf all over your shirt (which would be another monstrous mishap).

  1 Pinky promise.

  Make a pact with one friend—your “go-to girl” who can be trusted completely—that you will tell each other if a funky stain ever materializes on your butt, or if your shirt is transparent. If your girl whispers, “Damage!” proceed to #2.

  2 Locker up.

  No, this doesn’t mean hide in your locker. It means that you were given a locker for just such emergencies, so keep an extra sweater or hoodie in there (or at the bottom of your book bag). Once you have that extra piece of clothing safely in hand, wrap it around your waist or over your shirt, and voilà! Problem solved!

  3 Store secret supplies.

  Someone you know (possibly even you) will get her period at school. Rather than being caught unprepared, do yourself a favor and keep some supplies in a non-see-through pencil case in your purse, book bag, or in the back of your locker. That way, if Aunt Flow visits you or your friend during the school day, you can minimize the mortification.

  4 Presto, change-o!

  A classic magician’s trick can also be of use to you: Distract attention! You never see a magician switching a coin from one hand to another because he has drawn your eyes elsewhere. Keep a candy necklace or big plastic ring in a supply box in your locker, and pop it on so that if people start staring, they’ll focus on the delicious candy around your neck, not the stain on your jeans.

  5 Professional help.

  If all else fails, the school nurse or a female teacher often has stuff that can help in a pinch. Since these pros have seen it all before, you can feel comfortable asking them for assistance if you need it.

  How to Survive When a Secret Gets Out

  Secrets can be tough to keep secret, especially if you share them in a public place where you can be (wince) overheard! If you find you’ve said too much at just the wrong time, here’s how to deal.

  1 Don’t be “crushed.”

  Your crush rolls up just as you’re confessing how much you like him. Whoops! After the color of your face downgrades from purple to pink, smile at him. Say something like, “Okay, so yes: I said you’re cute, because you are. That’s your compliment for the day. You may now feel free to compliment me anytime you’d like.” And with that, walk away. Ha-cha!

  2 Request respect.

  You can’t take your words back, but you can gently remind whoever overheard that the info is private. Tell them that you trust they’re good at keeping secrets.

  3 Zip it up in the bathroom.

  To avoid future secret spills, beware of talking privately in places where unseen listeners can lurk. Don’t assume you’re alone in the girls’ room just because you don’t see anyone. Same goes for stairwells—you never know who’s on the next landing.

  Appendix

  SOME STEPS TO HELP YOU THROUGH A SCHOOL DANCE

  The Running Man

  1. Put your left foot forward while sliding your right foot backward.

  2. Put your right foot forward while sliding your left foot backward.

  3. Repeat.

  4. Look: You’re running!

  5. Change direction! Wave at passersby!

  6. Oh no! A mean dog is chasing you! Run faster!

  The Lawn Mower

  1. Bend down and grab the starter cord.

  2. Pull the starter cord up and to the left! Again! Again!

  3. Grab the imaginary handle of the mower.

  4. Bring your left foot forward. Right foot forward.

  5. Look: You’re pushing a lawn mower!

  6. Wipe a bead of sweat from your brow. Dodge a bee! Drink some water!

  7. And you’re mowing again!

  The Funky Chicken

  1. Stand with your feet slightly apart.

  2. Tuck your hands into your armpits—now your arms are wings!

  3. Raise your right “wing” as you kick out your left leg.

  4. Bring your right wing down as you bring your left leg back in.

  5. Repeat with your other wing and leg.

  6. Rapidly bob your head up and down, like a chicken pecking at grain.

  7. Oh no! It’s the farmer! he’s got an ax! flap as hard as you can to get away!

  Appendix

  HOW TO DEAL WITH PIMPLES

  Here’s what to do when the pimple fairy dumps a big, fat, disgusting one on your face.

  Zit Hiding

  Holding an ice cube against a pimple reduces the inflammation. Once that volcano is smaller, ask a makeup pro (like your mom or sister) to help you conceal it. Look for a concealer that matches your skin tone (it might take a few tries before you get it right).

  Zit Prevention

  The more you touch your face, the more dirt and oil you rub in—so hands off! Fight the urge to pick, prick, or pop. And no squeezing that blemish, because it’ll only get worse.

  Finally, wash your face twice (and only twice) a day with warm water and gentle soap or cleanser. Wash any more and you’ll risk irritating your skin.

  BE AWARE • If things get really bad, ask to see a dermatologist who’ll banish the bumps professionally.

  Appendix

  HOW TO PACK YOUR BACKPACK WITHOUT CRACKING YOUR BACK

  1. Put your heaviest, biggest book in first, standing upright in the back of your bag, so you feel one big flat surface against your back, instead of a bunch of lumpy little things and book corners poking you.

  2. Stack your other big, fat textbooks horizontally on the bottom of the bag.

  3. Pack lighter stuff next: gym clothes, workbooks, paperback textbooks, and notebooks.

  4. On the very top goes your lunch or snack, and anything else that’s ruined if smushed, like that clay project you’re taking home from art class.

  • Secure pockets are for anything that you’re going to be toast if you lose: calculator, cell phone, keys, that little piece of paper you’ve got your locker combo on.

  • Easy-access pockets are where you put things you’re going to need fast, like a pencil case or water bottle.

  About the Authors

  David Borgenicht is a writer
, editor, publisher, and the coauthor of all the books in the Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook series. He lives in Philadelphia. David is happy to have survived middle school P.E., despite being designated the primary target in every dodgeball game.

  Robin Epstein lives in Brooklyn and teaches writing at New York University. Thanks to her experience in 7th grade cooking class, she became determined never to cook again.

  Ben H. Winters lives in Brooklyn and writes books, plays, musicals, articles, and lots of to-do lists. In middle school, he was “angry man number three” in the school play of Twelve Angry Men.

  About the Illustrator

  Chuck Gonzales is a New York City–based illustrator. In middle school, his dream of being a leading man was dashed when he had to play a dancing bag of garbage instead.