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  How to Take the Bite out of Braces

  Sure, you know there’s a pearly white light at the end of the tunnel. The straight teeth you’re going to have when your braces come off will look incredible! But right now you’ve got a mouthful of metal—or “clear” plastic—and it ain’t pretty (especially not after a meal). Still, there’s no need to be ashamed of that tin grin. If you follow these steps, you can flash your grill with pride.

  * Brusha, brusha, brusha.

  Braces tend to be food magnets, and you can often find a second meal from what gets trapped in your brackets alone. Pretty gross. Plus, trapped food makes your breath stink. The key is brushing your braces after every meal. But brushing isn’t nearly as annoying as you might imagine, especially if you try to think of it as a chance to enjoy a minty-fresh dessert. (This will require some imagination on your part.)

  * Choose foods that soothe.

  There’s no way to sugarcoat the fact that your teeth will hurt when you first get braces. But that doesn’t mean you have to limit yourself to things you can suck up with a straw. Treats like ice cream, pudding, and Jell-O are great for sore mouths. And guess what? They taste great, too!

  * Don’t drool, fool!

  Yep, it’s true that you drool more when you have braces. This is because the braces trick your mouth into thinking you’ve got food in there. And since you’re not going to put a sponge in your mouth to stop the saliva flow, keep a handkerchief handy to wipe off your chin every now and then.

  BE AWARE • Attempts to hide your braces (covering your face with your hair or never smiling) will only backfire. People will start to wonder why you’re always moping. Braces are only temporary, so while you have them, wear them with pride.

  Top 5 Foods to Avoid Till You’re Braces Free

  Once upon a time, before you got your braces, these foods were fun to eat. Now they’re just a sticky glue that’s sure to get stuck in your wires.

  1. Corn on the cob

  2. Popcorn balls

  3. Gum

  4. Taffy

  5. Caramel apples

  If you know you’ll be unable to resist gooey treats, carry an “interproximal brush” with you. This cone-shaped brush is designed to access tricky spots. Clean your braces right after eating, before food can harden.

  How to Shake, Rattle, and Roll through a School Dance

  Last place you wanted to be was at a school dance. But for whatever reason, here you are, in the school gymnasium, feeling unsure of what to do next. Since you definitely don’t want your art teacher to ask you for a pity dance, you need to act fast.

  IF YOU WANT TO DANCE . . .

  * Ease into the groove.

  If you’re not all that comfortable on the dance floor, take it slow at first. You don’t have to move a lot to be “dancing.” Simple is good—maybe just a side-to-side sway with a little bounce to the beat. Use this time to scope out the dance floor. If you see a decent dancer, study that person’s moves and see which ones you can . . . ahem . . . steal.

  BE AWARE • While dancing, it’s important to avoid the bad habit known as “the overbite,” when you bite your lower lip with your front teeth. Keep your mouth relaxed and smile instead.

  * Smile, baby!

  Your smile is by far your best dance move. It makes people want to dance with you, and it spreads the good times around (smiles are extremely contagious). And if you start to worry about what people think of your dance maneuvers, smile more. It’ll make people think you’re having more fun than they are, and soon enough they’ll probably be trying to . . . ahem . . . steal your moves!

  IF YOU DON’T WANT TO DANCE . . .

  * Help out.

  You can’t dance if you’re manning the refreshment stand. So get behind that table and start ladling the punch. Or see if you can help the deejay spin.

  * Pull out your cell phone.

  Talking on the phone is a perfectly good excuse for not being out on the dance floor. If you have someone to call, that’s a bonus, but if not, you can simply pretend. If someone comes over and wants you to dance, give him the “just a minute, please” index finger, followed by a point to your phone and then the “chatty mouth” hand gesture. He’ll quickly get the idea and leave you alone.

  * Start a card game.

  No one says you have to be dancing to be the center of activity. So bring a few decks of cards and a bag of pretzels, and recruit a few other players for a game. As soon as other kids see what you’re up to, they’ll want to join in, too.

  Smooth Ways to Ask Someone to Dance

  Flying solo and dancing with a group of friends are both acceptable options, but if you want to ask someone to dance with you, here are some easy ways to ask.

  • “I bet you and I would be the best dancers out there if we gave it a shot.”

  • “Do you know how to dance?” If the person says “Yes,” reply, “I dare you to show me.” If the person says “No,” respond, “I can teach you!”

  • “Would you like to dance?” If the person says “No,” say, “I didn’t think so. I just didn’t want to be rude before asking your friend.”

  How to Survive an Embarrassing Adult

  It’s an age-old question: Are embarrassing adults born or made? Hard to say. And they’re even harder to handle. There are two basic ways of dealing with embarrassing adults: a tough “right back atcha” method or the gentler “moral high ground” approach.

  THE “RIGHT BACK ATCHA” METHOD

  * Embarrass them back.

  Start speaking in pirate talk by adding “Aaarggh!” and “To the plank with you, matey!” to the end of your sentences. Alternatively, you could pretend you are an alien. Comment on how welcoming the people of this planet have been and say, “You must visit me on Mars sometime. Bring the kids.” Soon enough, whatever uncomfortable behavior the adult is doing will stop as she tries to figure out how to make you stop embarrassing her.

  * Become the interrupting cow.

  There’s an old joke that goes like this:

  Me: Knock, knock.

  You: Who’s there?

  Me: The interrupting cow.

  You: The interrupting cow wh—

  Me: Moooo!

  When your adult starts saying something terrifically embarrassing, interrupt the conversation by mooing at him.

  THE “MORAL HIGH GROUND” APPROACH

  * Justice is blind and so shall you be.

  If said adult does something incredibly awkward (like picks a wedgie or nose, his or someone else’s), pretend you have temporarily gone blind and didn’t see it. Making the “How could you do that? I’m so embarrassed” face will only make the situation worse.

  * Ask for a private moment.

  Pull the offending adult aside, out of earshot of everyone else. In a calm voice, explain that you feel uncomfortable, and would she please stop doing X? Stress that you know she’s not trying to embarrass you, but you’re just feeling extra-sensitive today.

  * Make an advance plan.

  If you’ll be with someone who is likely to bring up the most embarrassing thing about you—say, the fact that you used to shove crayons up your nose because you liked the way they smelled—make an agreement that certain topics will not be raised and that comments like “She still misspells her name” will be avoided.

  CHAPTER 4

  Survival Skills for the Outdoors

  How to Walk to School in Nasty Weather

  How many times have you heard the old refrain “When I was a kid I had to walk to school in three feet of snow—uphill”? And how many times have you wanted to reply, “Yeah, but that was back in the Ice Age!” If you find you have to head out into the storm yourself, here’s how to weather it gracefully.

  1 Gear up.

  Before stepping outside, kit yourself out in foul-weather gear: ski goggles, expedition-weight parka, hooded raincoat—whatever the weather dictates. Serious gear will prevent you from turning up in class looking like a drowned rat.

&n
bsp; 2 Make your footwear watertight.

  Should your boots be nowhere in sight (or too hideous to wear!), you can prevent your feet from facing water torture. Just follow these steps:

  • Find two small plastic bags that will fit over your shoes.

  • Put one foot in the center of a bag and pull the bag up around your leg.

  • Wrap masking tape tightly around the bag just under your knee.

  • Repeat with other foot.

  BE AWARE • Though plastic-bag booties may look stylish, they’re not terribly sturdy. To prevent them from tearing—and yourself from skidding—avoid running while you’re wearing them.

  3 Use your umbrella as a shield.

  Umbrellas aren’t just for raindrops falling on your head. When rain and snow are being blown into your face, aim your umbrella slightly forward like a shield, to block the onslaught. Just make sure to peek out from behind the umbrella every so often to see where you’re going.

  Clever Excuses to Stay Home in Bad Weather

  • “You don’t want me to melt, do you?”

  • “I’m already having a bad hair day. This is just going to push me over the edge, and you don’t want to be responsible for that.”

  • “Since I don’t have windshield wipers on my glasses, I won’t be able to see where I’m going.”

  • “All the acid rain could burn holes in the new clothes you bought me.”

  • “This weather is literally a sign from above that I should stay home today.”

  How to Survive Outdoor Chores

  It’s a sunny day. You should be playing outside. But someone else—someone clearly too old to remember the definition of the word fun—has other plans for you.

  RAKING LEAVES

  Though they were pretty when they were on the trees, now that they’re scattered all over the lawn they’re suddenly a problem—your problem. But some skillful rake action can clear that right up.

  1 Get it straight.

  Veteran rake handlers have a secret: They rake in straight lines from the “bottom” of the lawn to the “top” (or vice versa) so it’s always clear what section of the yard they’ve just finished. Random raking can lead to confusion, and chances are you’ll wind up doing certain sections twice, which will make your raking time last even longer.

  2 Pile it up.

  Instead of making one giant pile, rake your leaves into medium-sized to small piles. If the wind is blowing, a big pile runs the risk of being blown all over the lawn. A big pile also increases the likelihood that some jokester will go cannonballing into your hard work.

  3 Bag it, man.

  Get a large plastic garbage bag and lay it on the ground right near your first pile. Stick your feet in the bag’s opening and slide them apart to open the bag wide. Now, with one hand, pick up the top edge of the bag, forming a triangle. With your free hand, start scooping those leaves into that bag.

  SHOVELING SNOW

  Snow days are awesome—until a shovel is put in your hand and you’ve got to clean up a mess you didn’t even make. But think of it this way: Once you’ve finished shoveling, you can start pelting those who made you do the job with some really primo snowballs.

  1 Don’t put off till later what you can scoop faster now.

  Snow that has just fallen is actually lighter and easier to shovel than snow that’s been on the ground for a while. The longer snow stays on the ground, the more likely it is to partially melt and form a solid, heavy mass that’s tightly packed and difficult to move.

  2 Don the uniform.

  Make sure you’ve got good gloves, waterproof boots, a warm coat, a fuzzy hat, and a big ol’ scarf wrapped around your neck before you start (corncob pipe optional). It’s important to stay warm while you’re shoveling, so bundle up. (You move more slowly when you’re cold, so staying warm will help you get the shoveling over more quickly.)

  3 Push the mush.

  Instead of lifting the snow with your shovel, push it forward. Space your hands out on the shovel’s handle—one toward the top, one closer to the bottom—because this increases your leverage. Better leverage makes the job easier. For the same reason, keep the shovel close to your body, too.

  BE AWARE • Once you’ve pushed the snow off the area you’re trying to clean, don’t throw it over your shoulder. The twisting movement can strain your back muscles.

  WASHING THE FAMILY CAR

  Is there anything sadder than a car window begging, “Wash me”? If a note like this has been etched in the dust of your family’s car, grab a bucket, a sponge, and some soap, because it’s time to make that ride of yours shine.

  1 Make bubbles.

  Put your soap in a large (clean) plastic bucket, then fill the bucket with cool or warm water. You might be tempted to use hot water, but that’s not good for the finish, so “stay cool” in terms of water temperature.

  2 Hose her down.

  Remove excess dirt on the surface of the car before you start the real washing process. Spray the car with a hose, starting from the roof and working your way down to wet its whole surface. You don’t need to use a lot of water, just enough to get ’er damp. (Note: When spraying, don’t use high pressure, because this can scratch the finish.)

  3 Suds it up.

  Dunk your sponge or wash mitt into the soapy water and swirl it around to distribute the soap in the mixture. Once your washing device is good and soaped, start cleaning the car from top to bottom, roof to wheels. Hose her down again to remove any traces of soap.

  4 Pat that baby dry.

  It’s a good idea to dry off the car after washing it: If it’s driven when wet, dirt particles from the road will stick, and you might have to do the whole job again! Get a few old cotton towels and gently blot the car’s surface. Start at the top of the car and be gentle: You don’t want to risk hurting the finish of the car you just spent so long trying to make look good!

  How to Survive a Canine Encounter

  They say dog is man’s best friend. But even a best friend can get snappy sometimes, and this one has a sharp set of teeth. Here’s how to handle a pooch like a pro.

  DON’T TOUCH A HAIR ON HIS HEAD

  Be smart about introducing yourself to a dog you don’t know.

  * Ask the owner before petting a pup.

  Since all dogs have different personalities, it’s important to ask the owner if the dog is friendly. You never know: That innocent-looking pup could have a ferocious bite.

  * Say yes to sniffing.

  One of the ways a dog gets to know people is by sniffing them. So if your new four-legged friend starts nosing up to you, don’t be scared, just hold the back of your hand out to him so he can catch your scent.

  * Pet under the chin or on the chest.

  Once you’ve gotten permission from the dog’s owner, you should first stroke the dog on her chin or chest so she can keep an eye on your hands. If you pat the top of her head, she might think you’re about to hit her!

  * Step away from the bone.

  Leave her alone when she’s eating or chewing on a bone. She might think you’re trying to take away her supper.

  FOUR LEGS BEAT TWO EVERY TIME

  If you’re scared a dog might start chasing you and the owner isn’t in sight, keep it cool.

  1 Don’t start a race you can’t win.

  If you start running, you will only excite the dog’s chase instinct. Don’t jump up and down, either.

  2 Chill out.

  Dogs are very sensitive creatures. If you freak out, that will probably cause the animal to do the same thing. If you want the dog to be peaceful, establish a peaceful mindset yourself. Hum your favorite song, dream about your favorite flavor of ice cream—whatever helps you get into a mellow mood.

  3 Avoid eye contact and walk away slowly.

  Once you’ve established the peace, you can slip away from the dog slowly and quietly (no sudden jerky movements). Looking into a dog’s eyes is considered (by dogs, at least) to be an act of aggression. Avoid the
temptation, or the dog may misunderstand you and think you want to fight rather than flee.

  How to Deal with Poo on Your Shoe

  You really stepped in it this time . . . and boy, does it stink! So many people hate getting poo on their shoes that many cities have passed “Pooper Scooper” laws, forcing owners to clean up after their pooches. But those laws don’t help once you’ve gone skidding through a patch of poo. Here’s how to make this humiliating situation a little less stinky.

  1 Do the “scrape, scrape, twist.”

  To get the top layer of poo off your shoe, find the nearest curb and scrape your shoe—from heel to toe—against it. Repeat. Step in a shallow puddle if you can find one. Now locate a clean patch of sidewalk or grass and twist your foot around in it to loosen the deeper levels of doo in your shoe.

  2 Use a sole shovel.

  Take the sharp end of the stick or the blunt point of a pencil and begin digging it through the grooves in your sole. Pause to wipe it on the ground or on a piece of paper that you’ll throw out later.

  3 Give your shoe a once-over with a damp paper towel.

  4 Check for skid marks.

  Drag the shoe across a dry paper towel as a test. If the paper towel is skid-mark free, your work is done. If your shoe leaves a trail, repeat step 3 and test again.

  5 Wash your hands post–poo removal!

  How to Deal with Things That Sting

  Okay, so your neighborhood isn’t exactly the Amazon rain forest. But that doesn’t mean there aren’t plenty of dangerous creatures lurking around out there. These tips aren’t 100 percent insect proof, but they’ll keep you as stinger free as possible. You can use them to deal with bees, mosquitoes, wasps, horseflies, and any other pesky stinging insects.